Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Something Sad

(Big Sigh. Here it goes.) I suppose when I prematurely announced my pregnancy on Facebook and my blog, I thought I was safe...because I had two babies come of my two previous pregnancies. However, just days after I posted I was going on a blogging break, I started to miscarry. It was my eleventh week.


It was hard. I've had friends and family who miscarried, and I was sorry for them. But when it happened to me, a new empathy developed. I had no idea. Nothing prepared me for the raw sorrow, the loss, and the pain -physical and emotional- that came with that experience. I suppose I figured a first trimester miscarriage would be mostly just...disappointing...because the attachment (at least for me) to the baby isn't nearly what it is in the second and third trimesters.


I was wrong. I felt empty. I felt like I lost somebody. I still feel empty, even though I've had awhile to recover. Even though I'm ready to try again. But with sorrow, comes joy, and I felt my heart turning to the two beautiful babies I do have. And to my husband. The sadness, the tears, are now bittersweet because I'm so grateful to the Lord for the family I've been blessed with. And I have faith that my family will grow.

12 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear that. I, too, have had a miscarriage. It was many years ago, between my first and second sons. It was early on for me too, a time when the baby is the most protected by your own body. Sometimes your body knows best.

    I still think about who that baby would have been. The emptiness will fade, I promise you. Take care of yourself.

    Wendy

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  2. I'm so sorry for your loss.I miscarried my first pregnancy and I don't think anyone really understands the emptiness you feel unless you experience it.

    I hope everything is alright now and you can try again soon.

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  3. So sorry to hear this. I really appreciate that you shared with us. That couldn't have been easy. Best Wishes and take care!

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  4. Aw man, that sucks. I'm so sorry for your loss. It really is a bad feeling.

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  5. Oh, Jessie. I am so very sorry. Thinking of you - hugs!

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  6. Jessie, I'm so sorry to hear this. I miscarried at 9 1/2 weeks after several weeks of low hormone counts and doctors who wouldn't talk directly to me.

    I had a D&C and through the process discovered the baby was a boy. We named him Luke, and he will always have a place in my heart between my other two. For me, I believe Luke lived his full life and that his life counted, just like your baby's did.

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  7. Oh, my condolences. I have been there more than once, and the loss is inexplicable. *hugs*

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  8. Thank you for all your kind and loving words:)

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  9. Thinking of you right now and sending hugs.

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  10. This couldn't have been easy to write. I'm so sorry.

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  11. I'm so sorry for your loss, Jessie. Sending prayers and hugs your way.

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  12. I'm empathizing with you and hoping you feel better soon.

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