Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Something Sad

(Big Sigh. Here it goes.) I suppose when I prematurely announced my pregnancy on Facebook and my blog, I thought I was safe...because I had two babies come of my two previous pregnancies. However, just days after I posted I was going on a blogging break, I started to miscarry. It was my eleventh week.

It was hard. I've had friends and family who miscarried, and I was sorry for them. But when it happened to me, a new empathy developed. I had no idea. Nothing prepared me for the raw sorrow, the loss, and the pain -physical and emotional- that came with that experience. I suppose I figured a first trimester miscarriage would be mostly just...disappointing...because the attachment (at least for me) to the baby isn't nearly what it is in the second and third trimesters.

I was wrong. I felt empty. I felt like I lost somebody. I still feel empty, even though I've had awhile to recover. Even though I'm ready to try again. But with sorrow, comes joy, and I felt my heart turning to the two beautiful babies I do have. And to my husband. The sadness, the tears, are now bittersweet because I'm so grateful to the Lord for the family I've been blessed with. And I have faith that my family will grow.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Back to Blogging

Well, I have to admit, I've peeked into the blogging world a couple of times during my end-of-summer sabbatical. But I told myself I wouldn't come back "officially" until my son started preschool. He started today. So here I officially am, and I REALLY MISSED IT.

When we moved to Texas, my blogging kind of WANED. (By the way, it was 111 degrees in Texas yesterday. The end of the world is coming.) Since I have blogged both TOO MUCH and too little in my short blogging history, I'm sure I'll now find the perfect balance. You know, that thing we all talk about but never actually really find.

The nice thing about blogging is that I can be away for a long, long time, but here you still are. And you still want to be my friend. I think. So now I'm going to go visit you...after I pick my son up from school. And feed the children. And put my daughter down for a nap. Ah, balance.