Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Mothering Madness

When we moved into our last place, I noticed a rag slung over my neighbor's fence, primarily because whenever I went to do my dishes I'd have nothing to look at through the window but my neighbor's fabulous above-ground-pool and the rag. ("Fabulous" is me being sarcastic because above-ground-pools are not fabulous. They are ugly. Unless you are sitting in one on a hot summer's day. Then I suppose it may feel a little fabulous.) I lived in that house for eighteen months. The rag was never moved, but it was beaten by one of the worst Kansas winters I've ever known and bleached by the sun in an equally intense summer.

I've thought of that little rag these last two weeks because I am that rag. Motherhood has rung me out, hung me out to dry, and blasted me with all its extreme elements. My son did beautifully during the first month of our move, but I suppose something clicked and he realized that...

This isn't a vacation! This is FOR REAL!!

And well...hmmmm. My naughty, naughty little boy. There were times I was sure that one of us was insane. And of course, I questioned all I ever knew or learned about mothering because suddenly I was clueless. I spent a lot of time on the phone with my mother who is wise, and I wish I can take the mothering parts of her brain because her kids are grown and she's not really using those parts right now. It's only fair.

However, whenever I'd put my son to sleep (and then he'd get up and then he'd get up again and maybe he'd get up a third or fourth or fifth time) the FIRST thing I wanted to do was lose myself in my own little Pieces of Moon world. All this stress really fueled my desire to write. (It also fueled my desire for chocolate chip cookie dough.) I've been writing again, more than before, and really, really enjoying it. So I suppose there is a silver lining, but I'd prefer something other than mothering madness to get me there.

The storm may be over now. The last couple of days I've watched it blow off with only a little residual lightning. My son is doing much better. For example, he is no longer waking up and yelling, "Mommy won't look at my face!" (That from my attempt of ignoring naughty behavior the day before.) (Isn't that sad? After he did that, I lay down next to him and looked at his face.) And the best part is...my mom flies in tomorrow morning. Enough said.

6 comments:

  1. My son went through the exact same thing this year. It was even worse than when he went through it the year before. I felt sooooo guitly for moving him away from his friends and cousins and "clean house" (apparently I was a better housekeeper in CA) to a row home in the middle of Ohio. Then I felt equally guilty for moving him to South Dakota. The first week of school his teacher had to have a talk with me because he was so distracted. I explained that not only had be been moved cross country twice, but he had also just had a mother who was bedridden for three weeks and a father who was trying to pick up all the slack while moving his family cross country and acclimating to a new hospital. No wonder he was distracted and emotional! I thought for sure I had permanently traumatized him. Buuuuuuuuuuut.... the good news is kids are super resilient. He has made such good friends here and is one happy kid these days (with only an occasional forlorn "I miss California"). It sounds like things are already smoothing out for you too. I love that you stared at his little face. So precious and probably exactly what he needed. Hang in there. Sometimes I think our kid's troubles are harder on us then they are on them!

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  2. this is great.

    I am lucky that my husband works nights. (HAHA, poor husband) but after my boys go to bed at 8, I have all night to write.

    I dont know what I would do without that!

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  3. It's amazing that motherhood can suck big time and also be the best thing in the universe. At the same time. Good luck to us all, mothers and children. May we live through it unscathed.

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  4. Ugh, I so know what you're going through. Moves are just all around brutal. It never ceases to amaze how many different layers of your life it affects. I'm definitely sending Adjustment Vibes your way.

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  5. A year ago I was very stressed out about traumatizing my 2-year old because we were moving across town, away from all her friends. I was telling this to a friend who, with raised eye-brows, reminded me that they were about to move to the other side of the planet. Yes, it could be worse. ;S Happily, we've adjusted pretty well. **Sending happy adjustment vibes too!**

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  6. YAY for Mom flying in!!! That should distract him for at least a few days, right?

    Things will get better. In the meantime, WRITE away!!! :)

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