Monday, March 29, 2010

You Have An Ugly Baby

Three years ago, when my first-born was a baby, I asked important questions such as: Is it time to supplement with formula? Johnson's or store-brand? If my baby were ugly, would people tell me?

No. No one will EVER tell you if your baby is ugly. These thoughts naturally inspired a book idea:

You Have An Ugly Baby
The Art of Giving Compliments

If you have a baby, people will say something. They will go out of their way just to peek into your stroller or your carrier...because people like to look at babies. But once they've peeked, they must comment. I mean, they can't exactly just turn and walk away, can they?

So what if your baby has a big nose and squinty eyes and abnormally large jowls? You'll never know. You'll just never know. Because, to you, your baby is perfect. And the peeker is left to form a compliment based on some redeeming feature:

Hair-especially if the baby has a lot of it. If the baby is bald, you may have to try...

Chub rolls-but only if you are sure it is a boy. Moms like to hear they have a fat boy, but not so much a fat girl. If the baby is scrawny and bald, you'll have to refer to blanket statements.

"Your baby is precious" seems to sum it up pretty well.

Recently I've considered the art of receiving compliments. Now I have another perfect baby. (At least I think so...naturally.) And people tell me she is beautiful. Today I was chatting with a friend (I know, a real-life friend...crazy) and I mentioned that perhaps I'm not receiving the your-baby-is-beautiful compliment well.

Typically I agree and say, "I know." However, I realize this isn't going to encourage further baby admiration, and it sounds like I'm a little full of myself (or my baby). In order to conform to social norms I must start expressing gratitude or adding some self-depracating statement like, "I don't know where she gets it."

Okay, my compliment book concept hasn't exactly been developed beyond this. In fact, I was going to tweet this but decided to turn it into a blog post and now I've probably dragged the subject out past redemption.

I absolutely guarantee that the next post I compose will be related to writing, unless it is not.

8 comments:

  1. Too Funny! I have a draft of a picture book called: Ugly Babies. (But it is very different from the one you are describing!)

    Shelley

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  2. Okay let's try.

    You're baby is beautiful and has the most amazing giggle.

    Now your turn

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  3. I can't wait to see that book! LOL :0)

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  4. That title alone would net you an agent and a publishing house!! What an awesome idea!! :)

    How about: "Oh! I adore babies at that age! They're just priceless! I bet she keeps you running though!"

    Your daughter though...no one has to make that up! She is adorable and has the BEST giggle!!

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  5. What a great idea for a book! Thanks for the idea of what to say as well. I found your blog via Day Dreamer. What a wonderful find. :)

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  6. This is SO funny! My babies had their "ugly" stages but I never knew until later, looking at old pics. Hahaa.
    Before I had kids, I saw babies I didn't think were cute. I always tried to think of something nice to say, just like your post. LOL!

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  7. I wish someone could decipher what the baby is thinking during the 'peek'...that might be a book.

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  8. LOL... so funny.

    And yes, I've seen ugly babies before. One of my sister's kids was an ugly baby, but would I tell her that.......... um no, not unless she asked me for her honest opinion. But I don't go out of my way to look at babies anyway, because honestly I think a LOT of babies are ugly, so it's just not worth it to me. I'm not a good liar.

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