Sunday, June 14, 2009

Me at Fourteen

This is another post on teenage girls and boys. So if you are looking for an informative and intelligent post about writing, you can just go.

When I was fourteen, I started OBSESSIVELY keeping a journal. I mean, 2 to 3 notebook pages everyday. That is every day for about the next ten years. (And then I got married, and suddenly lost my urge to obsessively journal. I have decided it is because my journaling was an outlet for my desire for everlasting love. So when I found it, no need for an outlet anymore.)

It is funny to look back and read my fourteen year-old self. Mostly laugh at my fourteen year-old self. Like when I didn't understand why the boys didn't like me. I just DIDN'T GET IT. I was cute. I was fun. Why didn't they like me? Well, please enjoy the following excerpts and let me know if it really takes a detective to figure out what I did wrong.

Dec 3, 1994...I asked [Crush #1] to dance. He said he didn't want to, and I hit him.

Dec 28, 1994...I called and he was short with me. He said he was watching a movie. I was short with him back. I said, 'Well, [Crush #1], you are as boring as %$** so I'll let you go.'

Disclaimer-I don't swear, and I sure as heck didn't swear when I was fourteen. Unless I was incensed at Crush. Then I may have swore.

March 5, 1995...The whole night (youth dance) with [Crush #2] consisted of an argument on [Un-named Issue].

May 22, 1995...I wrote [Crush #3] last night. It was four pages long and kind of a dumb letter but he'll get over it if he likes me enough.

Okay, so apparently no one ever gave me lessons, on coy, shy, subtle flirting. I kind of figured it out as the years wore on, and now I can have a good laugh. (Laughter and maybe a few tears for the fourteen year-old girl immortally caught in these pages who wonders day after day why she can't get a boyfriend, the most desired thing in the world.)

And I would like to close with this final excerpt, which feeling conveyed is the very opposite of the feeling teenage girls have in the wilderness as discussed in previous post.

Jan 1, 1995...I don't want to wait around for a boyfriend until I am 16 and gray.

Older Jessie to Younger Jessie: There is so much more to life than boys.

Younger Jessie: Yeah, right. I'm going to go stalk Crush #4.


  1. Oh man! You were so forward! I'm kinda jealous of 14 yr old Jessie. I had wild crushes, but I just watched them from afar, too chicken to ever do anything about it.

    That was awesome squared.

  2. LOLOL! I loved this post! So much angst! You've definitely got some awesome material for your books now. and I love love love anything YA I really think it's the most fun to write!

    And I think I was born a natural flirt, it still gets me in trouble today--and I'm not really doing anything except talking--sheez! LOL! Great post! Jenni

  3. Did you steal my journal? I was such a boy crazy fiend, it's kind of embarrssing. I wish I would have realized that there was more to life than boys. Like you I kind of stopped writing when I got married. I guess I didn't have anymore boy angst to write about.

    The good thing is I have a detailed account of me and my husband's courtship, if you can call it that, so I can always prove I'm right. Another good reason to keep a journal.

  4. HA! This was awesome. My youthful journal was nothing but a documentation of which boys I liked and whether or not they liked me, too. Sad that that was the only "important" thing I had to talk about...

  5. This is awesome!!! And you are sooooo brave to go public with it!!

    I journaled extensively as a teen too... those are hidden at the bottom of a box in my unfinished storage area where, with hopes, they will never see the light of day. I cringe just thinking about what I wrote! :)

    Of course, now I post it all my blog... will I cringe twice as hard when I am 50 looking back at what I was so public about??

  6. That was hilarious! Did you have any pages where the entire page was taken up with "I Love ___" Not that I did... I'm just asking. ;)

  7. That was really funny. Man, you really were forward. Especially for a girl of the 90's. I mean, the girls now are super forward, but back then, you were a woman ahead of your time. That's awesome. LOL

  8. Natalie-I'm jealous of fourteen year-old Natalie who knew the meaning of discreet.

    Jenni-It gets you in trouble today? Does your husband put you in time out?

    Patti-You have a detailed account of your husband's courtship? I don't (but wish I did) even though I wrote extensively about the boys that preceded my husband. Maybe that was a sign that the real thing had come.

    Kiersten-I started my journal trying NOT to write about boys but other important things, but boys won out in the end.

    Heidi-But old journals are so fun to read! Don't bury them! Just remember that we were young, and now we are much, much smarter.

    Candice-That was all over my homework. That and my name with Crush's last name.

    Kasie-That's a good way of looking at it-I was soooo ahead of my time.